Chords of Life…
by kirayasha aka kira
Summary: To live and love and hate… written for LJ's Kurohedonism


**Title: **Chords of Life…

**Author:** kira  
**Rating:** M

**Words:** 10,135 (OMG! It's over 9000! ;p)  
**Characters:** Meena, Soma, Agni, Harold West, Ciel, and Sebastian  
**Summary**: To live and love and hate…

**Warnings**: none

**Author's notes: **Harisha means "Lord of the Monkeys." This is another name of the Hindu god Vishnu. Kheer, a rice pudding style dish is called payas or payesh in Bengal. A traditional Bengali meal ends with payas followed by other sweets. Payas is also regarded as an auspicious food and generally associated with Annaprashana (weaning ritual of an infant) and birthday celebrations in a Bengali household.

Special thanks to Jen & Kat for reading this over & all their cheerleading as I wrote this...

888

Meena's head warred with her heart, and sighing softly, she gazed down at the infant suckling at her breast. Instead of her own child, who had died in her womb, she was put in charge of looking after the maharajah's latest in a long line of sons without even being given a chance to mourn her loss. And to make matters worse the junior rani forbade her to see her lover, lest she become with child again and unable to care for her charge. The sixteen year old found it hard not to feel resentment towards him; still, she felt her heart softening a bit. Small and scrawny, rumor had it that his own mother said he looked like a monkey. One of the women, who came to check on her after the birth, said he was also nearly given the name "Harisha" by his mother, but his father decided he should be called "Soma," instead. Sighing softly again, she gently stroked his cheek with the back of her finger. Meena found herself unexpectedly falling in love with the tiny mewling bundle, who came into her life in a most unexpected way, in much the same way she would have fallen in love with her own child had he lived.

Soma let out a sleepy little cry of frustration when she moved him onto her other breast. Despite his sickly appearance, he had a very good appetite, and he seemed forever wanting to eat. He suckled heartily, grabbing onto her finger, when she went to stroke his cheek again. Somehow, without even being aware of it, he knew this was not his mother and Soma fussed a lot because of it, but as the days went on, she would become a familiar comforting presence the way his mother should have been.

"Soma baba, Soma baba… sleep, sleep, sleep…" Meena cooed softly, her voice catching slightly at the end. She was exhausted from the birth of her still born child and the resulting emotional fallout as well as missing her lover who was in some strange twist of fate this child's grandfather. Her hopes of becoming his concubine dashed, Meena resigned herself to currying some tiny bit of favor in his eyes by looking after Soma as if her were her own. "Soma baba, Soma baba… sleep, sleep, sleep…"

His belly full, Soma's eyelids began to droop. This thing, who was not his mother, yet nourished him and held him lovingly as if she were, had a very soothing voice. Slack-jawed, he still suckled half-heartedly as he fell asleep in her arms. A few minutes later, he was sound asleep on the bed next to her, setting in motion again, what was to become the pattern of their lives. Sleep, a howling wakefulness, food, a change of swaddling, before sleep claimed them again.

Meena lay down next to him and smiled. "Silly baby…" she whispered as she gently stroked his cheek with her finger. This time, Soma turned his head towards her finger, his tiny rosebud mouth open as he looked for the breast that was being offered to him in his sleep. Meena laughed. "You act like your belly's full of worms, my boy…" She leaned over and kissed his forehead. "You might as well dream of titties, for you're not getting any until you wake up…" Feeling a sharp pang of sorrow for her dead child, Meena's eye's welled up with tears. She rolled onto her back and cried herself softly to sleep.

After what felt like a few minutes worth of sleep, Meena was awakened to the sound of Soma crying loudly. She quickly sat up, frightened she had hurt him. Satisfied she had not, Meena picked him up. She gently rocked him, and lifting her kurta, she put him to her breast. Soma fussed for a few minutes, before hunger won out and he greedily suckled. Breathing a sigh of relief, Meena was startled to hear a soft familiar chuckle. "Your highness…"

"Meena."

"You're not supposed to be here!" she hissed, forgetting her place because of the unexpected and forbidden nature of his visit.

"Why not? He's my grandson."

"But your daughter, the junior rani, forbade me to see you."

Basant sighed. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault she doesn't like me…"

He opened his mouth to speak, intent on denying it, when one of Soma's half sisters entered Meena's room without knocking.

"Grandfather!" she said as she came over to them. "Where is Soma? I want to see my new little brother!"

"Namaste, Asha," Basant gently chided.

"Namaste, Grandfather!" She put he palms together and bowed slightly. "So where is little Soma?"

"With Meena."

"Oh… Namaste, Meena." Asha smiled sweetly at her.

"Namaste, princess." Meena moved Soma to her other breast.

"Oooh, wait! I want to hold him!"

Soma, however, wanted only one thing, the warm soft, full breast that was filling his belly. He howled in protest at being handed over as if he were a doll as he was hungry and wanted no part of yet another woman who was not his mother.

"Such a noisy little baba," Asha cooed. She held him close, gently rocking him in an effort to get him to quiet down to no avail. Unable to get him to stop, she handed him back to his wet nurse.

Peace and quiet descended, broken only by the soft sucking noises Soma made as he suckled.

"Oh, before I forget, Grandfather, father said she could move into the junior rani's palace. A room is being prepared for her now. I'm glad father decided she could move in there. This is no place for my precious little brother." Asha prattled on

Basant nodded.

"Come, Grandfather, and don't worry, Meena, someone will come get you," Asha said as she lead him from the room.

Meena sighed softly. She was not sure if the move was a good one or not, but the hope of being able to at least catch a glimpse or two of Basant helped quell her misgivings. Satisfied that Soma was a sleep and would stay that way for awhile, she laid him on the bed and getting up; she began to gather the things she wanted to take with her to her new rooms.

Two hours later, Meena found herself trying to keep Soma quiet and happy as she took in their new living quarters. The room was small, but it was still larger than she was used to, and it was bright and airy. It was also just as luxurious as Basant's room and when she sat down on the bed to nurse Soma, she could easily imagine herself here with her lover. Holding the hungry baby in her arm, she ran her free hand over the soft cotton bedding. _I wonder if they'll still let me stay here with you when I'm no longer suckling you…I feel just like a princess here… _ She sighed softly.

Moving Soma to her other breast, Meena let her imagination run wild. In her head, she was a princess, with pretty saris to wear and lots of jewels and she was about to be married off to Basant._ If only I were a princess… but then I wouldn't be looking after you…_ she thought as she looked down at the sleeping baby at her breast._ Am I supposed to love you as my own or resent you for living…? I wish I knew… You bring me sorrow and yet, you also bring me happiness…Thanks to you I am a princess even if it's only for a little while…_ She stroked his cheek with the back of her finger._ Time to put you down and try and get a bit of rest before you wake up again…_ she thought. Getting up, she put him in the woven basket that would serve as his bed until he outgrew it, before coming back to lie down for an hour or two of rest before the endless cycle of tending to a demanding baby started again.

The days went on in a gentle rhythm of wakefulness and sleep, broken only by meals fit for a princess. Meena slowly regained her strength and as she did so, her grief over losing her child became a distant memory. She still missed him, but Soma kept her busy enough so that the pain was no longer there. And she genuinely celebrated each milestone her charge went though, from his first smile, to the frightening first time he had slept through the night, to his first tooth, to the first time he managed to push his himself up and crawl and stand and finally walk.

At two years of age, Soma was still thin and scrawny, but he had boundless energy and a stronger will, and Meena often found herself at her wit's end trying to calm him down. The only time he ever did sit still was when it was time to eat or when he would sit on her lap and suckle from her breast. Those were the days when Meena would long for night to fall so that he would go to sleep. Then and only then could she work on the things she needed to get done, like make clothes for him, or mend the ones he had ripped. All too soon it would be time for her to go climb into bed with him, say a quick prayer to the gods to watch over him, before drifting off to sleep.

Meena picked up the tiny salwar and began to patch the holes Soma had put in the knees. Since no one seemed to care if she dressed him like a servant rather than a prince, she saved his better clothes for the days when his grandfather came to visit, or the rare times his father remembered he had a baby son. She smiled, thinking how Soma would probably be a lot happier running around naked, but the winter monsoons brought with them a cool dampness and the last thing she wanted to deal with was a sick child. Soma was bad enough when he well and felt like clinging to her sari instead of playing contentedly by himself, sick; he did nothing but cling to her like a vine.

When she finished her mending, Meena set it aside and climbed into bed. Soma rolled over in his sleep to face her, clutching a piece of an old sari of hers like a security blanket. He looked totally at peace as he slept. Meena reached out to gently brush the hair from his eyes, careful not to wake him. As her fingertips touched his forehead, she felt a pang of dread. Soma felt slightly warmer than normal and she prayed to the Lady Manasa to keep him safe from deadly illness, before falling into a fitful sleep.

Soma woke the next morning feeling fine but as the day wore on his fever returned. Meena was frantic, lest he fall very ill and she spent the rest of the afternoon, alternating dosing him with herbal remedies to ward off sickness and indulging his whims. Soma loved all the attention and for the next few days, between Meena and his grandfather, he had the attention he could want and then some. Even his grandfather's servant, Biju, took a turn amusing the little prince.

Tired from all the attention, Soma crawled onto Meena's lap. She nursed him and when he fell asleep, she tucked him in the bed they shared. Leaving Biju to watch over him, Meena walked out onto the small balcony overlooking the secluded courtyard where Soma played when the weather was nice.

Basant stood in the shadows, watching her. The two years that had gone by felt like an eternity when it came to how much he missed Meena, and yet, they had also passed quickly for him, with his daughter's rise in the maharajah's favor and the drama that created. He turned briefly away to look at his grandson while he slept peacefully. He took a deep breath, blowing it slowly as he thought of his daughter. She blamed her lack of being able to conceive another child on Soma and as a result refused to even acknowledge his presence. The maharajah did not help matters any, with all the children and grandchildren he had; he tended to forget how many he had as well as which was which. Basant also had the feeling Soma was being passed off as Meena's child whenever his daughter mentioned him, since the maharajah no longer visited his youngest. Shaking his head in disgust, Basant decided to retire to his rooms. "Come, Biju."

"Your grandson?"

"He'll be fine."

"Okay… shall I let Meena know we are leaving?"

Basant nodded. As fond as he was of his grandson, there were days when he tired of palace intrigue and longed for the simple life he once knew in his beloved mountain "kingdom." He found it frustrating that his daughter no longer had any sense of familial duty and respect towards him, and that he was actually forbidden to have any contact with Meena, beyond that which was unavoidable when visiting Soma. He waited patiently, while Biju did as he suggested.

Meena came back inside. "Your highness?"

"I have to go now. Tell Soma I will come and see him in a few days."

She nodded as she watched them go. Sighing softly, she wished, not for the first time, that she had a higher caste so that they could be together. Meena was willing to give up her home in the palace to live in the far away foothills of the Himalayas that Basant often spoke about. Walking over to the bed where Soma slept, Meena felt a sharp pang of hatred for the child who kept from her lover as much as he brought them together. Looking down at him, her eyes welled up with bitter tears. Fortunately, Soma kept her busy throughout his babyhood to keep her from dwelling on her resentment for very long.

When he turned four, Soma was introduced to a couple of younger nephews, who were around his age. Basant had felt it would be good for him to not only meet some of his family, but be around children, instead of always playing with adults. It was a disaster as the other boys bullied their smaller uncle. Unused to asserting himself as well as rough and tumble play, Soma burst into tears, prompting Meena to come to his rescue. Unable to punish them like she would have loved to, Meena simply picked Soma up and carried him off to the "safety" of their room. Once there, she fussed over him, stuffed him full of jellabies, and played with him until he grew tired enough for a nap. She had unwittingly set a pattern in motion of hysterics with the prince, by encouraging such behavior.

A few months later, Soma finally weaned himself off of her breast. To mark the occasion, Meena made him some kheer.

"It's not my birthday, Meena." Soma looked down at his favorite treat. "Is it yours?" He smiled at her.

"No, Prince Soma, it's because you're becoming a big boy now." She smiled

"Oh…" He spooned a bit of the sweet rice dish into his mouth. "It's good, Meena! I like it!"

"Thank you." She began to eat a bowl as well. Meena mentally sighed. _He's growing up so fast… I'm going miss our special time together…_

At fives years of age, Soma was deemed old enough to stay by himself at night. Born late in the year, his birthday fell during the start of the winter monsoons. The biggest fear the young prince had was of thunder and lightening. After being brought up on watered down versions of the epic tales, Soma was convinced Lord Indra was brandishing his thunderbolt and waging an epic battle in the heavens above the palace every time there was a thunderstorm. Like the ones that blew in off the Bay of Bengal at the start of the season.

The young prince was having a difficult time as it was getting used to sleeping alone and having an early start to monsoon season didn't help. He lay in bed, crying his heart out and calling for Meena, who never came. It was the first time in his young life that he felt something akin to hatred for her as he wailed for a comforting presence that never came.

Meena laid down in her bed, in the servants' quarters, worried sick about her young charge to the point where she would have to get up and brave the wind and rain in order to see if he was alright. She wondered if their separation had resulted from the junior rani losing the child she finally wanted and was some sort of punishment against Soma. His fear of thunderstorms was common knowledge in the junior rani's palace and so was Meena's coddling of the prince. Whatever it was, she hated being away from Soma, who needed her now more than ever.

As he grew older, Soma learned to tolerate the storms and the lonely nights. At six years old, he was now the proud big brother of twin sisters. While he hated being kept away from them, he accepted things with a quiet dignity that was well beyond his years. By the time he was ten years old, he had learned to overcome his shyness long enough to assert himself and become one of their favorite playmates. It also had the added benefit of bringing him into to contact with Meena again.

Hearing her voice and seeing her smile again, did a lot for helping Soma forget his hatred towards her at being abandoned. In the three years they were apart, his grandfather had improved his manners and curbed his shyness. As a result, Meena found Soma charming. She laughed at how he somehow managed to talk her into playing Pachisi with him and his grandfather and Biju, while making it sound like it was her own idea. "Of course I will play on your team, Prince Soma," she said, "but first I need to get your sisters ready for bed. Perhaps we can play after dinner?"

"Okay. I'll meet you here and then we can go to my grandfather's rooms together."

"I will meet you here. Until then…" Meena said as she turned to go.

True to his word, Soma was waiting for her exactly where he said he would. His whole face lit up when he saw her and as they walked to his grandfather's rooms, Soma prattled on about some juicy gossip he had heard at the dinner table. "It's true, Meena! I saw the girl with my brother the other day when I was feeding the peacocks in the garden. They didn't see me, but I saw them. And my brother, Kalidasa, kissed her! And when his wife found out, she was so mad, my brother, Krishna said his wife saw her throw a brass vase at his head!" Soma laughed. "Lucky for my brother she missed!"

"Really?" Meena giggled.

"Yup!" Soma grinned at her.

They walked on in companionable silence until they reached his grandfather's rooms. Once there, they entered, and after greeting each other politely, they sat down to play Pachisi.

"You'll be on my team, right, Meena?"

"Of course I will, Prince Soma."

She smiled at him and the young prince felt his heart fluttering as he willed his cheeks not to heat up to no avail. "Great!" he said.

They played a lively game, both teams racing around the cross-shaped board until Soma, with a lucky throw of the shells, won. "Yes!" He laughed. "That was a good game! Shall we play again, Grandfather?"

Basant sighed. "As much as I would like, my boy, I'm sure Meena has work to do."

Soma frowned. "Can't we say she's doing something for us?"

"No, my boy, we can't do that. You don't want to cause trouble for Meena, do you?"

"No…"

"Then it time she gets back to her duties." Basant looked over at her. "You may go, Meena."

She nodded. "Yes, your highness," Meena said, getting up to go.

"Wait! I'll walk you back!" Soma cried.

Meena paused. "There is no need to, Prince Soma, I'll be fine."

"It's no trouble," he insisted.

"Soma," Basant said. "Leave her be."

"But, Grandfather!"

"But nothing, my boy. Go, Meena."

Meena looked from one prince to the other, and bowing her head, she turned and quietly left the room.

Soma pouted when she left. He never stopped loving her and the rare times they got to spend together were very precious to him.

"Soma Asman Kadar, stop behaving like a spoiled baby. Be a man!"

"Yes, Grandfather."

"Now go pack the game away for Biju." Basant held up a hand, forestalling his grandson's protests.

Soma's pout turned sullen, but he dutifully did what his grandfather told him to do. He had the feeling Basant was merely keeping him busy so that Meena would have a chance get to the servants' quarters without him. Afterward, Soma had tea with him, and while going over his studies with his grandfather, his mood lightened as he forgot about Meena.

"Grandfather, if I'm a prince, why do I need to know so much stuff? Won't I have lots of servants looking after me, and advisors to help me?"

"It's true that you will, my boy, but knowledge is something to be gained for its own reward. Only an idiot thinks otherwise and you don't wish to be an idiot, do you?"

Soma laughed. "No, Grandfather! I'm going be a great man one day! One that you'll be proud of."

Basant smiled as he nodded in approval. "That's my boy!"

Soma beamed.

"Now come kiss your grandfather goodnight and go."

"Grandfather! I'm too old to kiss you!" He laughed.

"But not too old to kiss a pretty girl, hunh?" Basant teased.

"Grandfather…" Soma felt his cheeks heating up.

"That's okay, my boy, it shows you are on your way to becoming a man."

Soma got up and came over to him. He lightly brushed his lisp against Basant's cheek, in what passed for a kiss. "Good night, Grandfather," he said softly, coloring again when his grandfather kissed his cheek.

"Good night, Soma."

As Soma grew older, he began to notice the girls in the palace, but none seemed to capture his heart the way Meena did. The more elusive she appeared to be, the more he desired her. At thirteen, his sexual urges were starting to make themselves known. He would often wake up the next day wet and sticky, and caught up in the dream he was having about her.

He lay in bed, trying to get to sleep, but the night was hot and sticky, and he felt more wide awake than drowsy. If he closed his eyes, he could hear the soft rustle of Meena's sari as she left his room, even if she had not been there in years. Imagining her there was easy enough, as he loosened the ties on his salwar. He reached inside the loose fitting pants and stroked himself. As he grew harder under his touch, his hand became her smaller one. "Meena…" he whispered in the darkness, hearing her soft reply in his head.

_Prince Soma…_

He moved his hand up and down faster, his breath catching in his throat as he did so. "Mee… ah…ah…ah…nah…." he panted, trying to be as quiet as possible.

_Yes, Prince Soma…?_

"Unh…." he groaned softly, pushing himself closer to his release as he imagined himself bedding her.

_My sweet, pretty prince…I love you…_

"Mee… ah…ah…ah…naaaaah…" Soma came hard, spewing his hot, sticky essence all over his hand and stomach. He wiped his hand off on his kurta, and carefully pulling it over his head, he used to help clean himself up with. He also shimmied out of his salwar, and rolling the soiled clothing up in a ball, he tossed them on the floor. The silks felt cool against his bare skin, dampening his desire as he drifted off to sleep.

By the time he reached fifteen, Soma was doing his best to lure her into his bed. Her polite refusals and excuses of work to do only added fuel to his growing desire. Unable to get enough of her, Soma sometimes spied on her when she was bathing, slipping away to pleasure himself when it became too painful not to. It was a lonely existence as his obsession with her kept him from enjoying the company of the serving girls who were closer to his age.

Ironically, the only girl who held his interest, aside from Meena, was his pet mongoose, Shu-shu. She had come into his life about the time his interest in Meena took on a more mature air. The animal quickly became his confidant as Soma frequently poured his heart out to her, but only as long as the handful of tasty insects or stolen peacock eggs lasted.

This time all Soma had was a handful of beetles he had found under a rock. He sat in the peacock pavilion, stroking Shu-shu's soft fur, and feeling very sorry for himself. "You're not going to believe it, Shu-shu. I saw her with _him._ That stupid Englishman! Bad enough he's here, currying favor from Father over some stupid trading rights, but does he have to go and steal her heart too?" Soma's eyes stung from unshed tears. "Even Grandfather is unhappy about it… He told me women are like that, fickle and faithless… But Meena loves me!" A single ran down his cheek. "I hate him! I hate that stupid Englishman more than anyone else! I wish he never came here!"

While Soma was giving in to his jealousy, Meena was strolling through the rose garden with Harold West. She found him charming with his oddly accented Hindi, but the thing that had won her heart, was that he saw her as a woman and not a servant. He also thought she was pretty and sweet like honey, all the things Soma said to her, but coming from a man her age, they meant so much more. She sighed softly when he took her hand and placed it in the crook of his right arm as they wandered about the garden. "Lord West…." she said shyly, her cheek heating up.

"What?"

"Nothing…" Meena looked down at the ground as she gently tried to pull her hand away.

"This bothering you?" he asked as he laid his left hand on hers.

"Ummm…"

"It's alright, Miss Meena, men and women often stroll about the gardens in England like this. Sometimes they'll get together with friends and have a picnic, and sometimes, they'll enjoy a concert on the green, and sometimes they simply enjoy each other's company." He smiled at her. "But if it makes you uncomfortable, you can let go."

"You sure…?"

"Very sure."

Breathing a sigh of relief, Meena let go. She stepped away from him, her gaze averted as they walked in companionable silence. With each encounter Meena felt herself falling deeper and deeper in love with him. It was getting to the point where she even curtailed her visits to Basant, much to the prince's annoyance, but being older, he easily forgave her unlike Soma, who wallowed in his hurt and jealousy.

All too soon, she had to go and Harold sadly watched her leave. He found her very attractive from the start, something that surprised him as he always assumed he would go through life alone. But with Meena, he felt as if he had met his soul mate, and he was determined to make her his wife, convention be damned. So what if she was only a servant here, in England they could say whatever they wanted and no one would be the wiser. Plus he found her dark skin very exotic and it made her more beautiful in his eyes than the paler English girls. He mentally shook his head, never thinking it was possible to fall so head over heels in love with anyone, and yet, here he was, doing the very thing he had scoffed at. So determined was he to have his "Indian princess" that he became a permanent fixture around the palace, much to Soma's annoyance. Once he realized he had a young rival for Meena's affections, Harold doubled his efforts to win her heart, never knowing there was also an older rival.

Things were rapidly coming to a head between Soma and West. Luckily, before the prince could do anything stupid, a diversion arrived in the form of a man once known as Chanda Das. The former criminal, now called Agni, filled the role of older brother and best friend in the prince's life. Soma loved the attention and while he wished Agni would assist him in winning Meena's heart, the sixteen year old prince was content to be with someone who adored him and only him.

The two were very close; sparking rumors that Agni carefully shielded his beloved prince from. He also did his best to steer Soma away from Meena, correctly guessing the miniscule depths of her love for him. Agni also had the feeling most of her hatred towards Soma stemmed from his amorous feelings towards her combined with an infantile need for her presence and the fact that he refused to take "no" for an answer.

The sexual desire he felt towards Soma quickly gave way to a deep, romantic, and almost selfless love for the prince. He was willing to satisfy Soma's lust, even if the prince did not share the same feelings towards him, all that mattered was that his beloved prince was happy.

Little by little, Soma also began to have feelings for his friend. They left often left him confused, because as much as he wished he was bedding Meena; he enjoyed all those pleasurable things Agni did to him. Like his sweet kisses that left Soma wanting more, or the feel of his friend's mouth on his cock, or his gentle touches that made the prince hard with desire, or the sharp pain whenever Agni thrust inside him. Soma wanted and needed it all. That was because Agni loved him and made him feel loved and desired like none before him.

The peacock pavilion quickly became their special place. Old and forgotten, it had been Soma's refuge during his lonely childhood. Now the place became their private hangout and love nest, depending on Soma's mood.

"Agni…" Soma said softly, "make me feel special."

"If that is what my prince desires, so shall it be." Agni cupped Soma's cheek, and leaning in, he kissed him. He did not have time to wonder why Soma was feeling so needy when the prince reached up and put his arms around Agni's neck, deepening the kiss. Breaking it, Agni carefully eased him onto the floor of the pavilion, before lying on his side with head propped up on his upturned palm. When Soma reached up to cup his cheek, Agni took his hand, kissing his palm and wrist as the prince closed his eyes.

"It is…" Soma breathlessly replied.

Agni reached down to toy with the waistband on Soma's dhoti, loosening the folds. He playfully moved his hand to rest on Soma's bourgeoning erection, palming the rapidly hardening column of flesh, and teasing his beloved. The prince squirmed under his touch and when Soma opened his mouth to protest, Agni leaned over and swallowed his complaints in a kiss.

Breaking it, Soma whined, "Agni…"

"What is it, my prince?" Agni replied, his voice thick with lust as he worked Soma's dhoti open, baring his flesh.

"I thought you were going to make me feel special…" He pouted.

"I will, my prince, my Soma…" Agni leaned forward and kissed him again. "I just want to enjoy you… Your beauty," another kiss, "your taste…" He let his hand wander down the length of Soma's torso. "Your touch… all this is precious to me, my prince…"

Soma moaned softly. "Oh…" he breathed, his breath catching in his throat, when his beloved fondled his heavy sack. He lost himself in the pleasurable sensations that ran down his spine, pooling deep within his cock. Soma loved it whenever Agni was extra attentive, like now, focusing everything on the prince's pleasure alone. It was so easy to forget his troubles under his beloved's expert touch.

Agni was a generous lover, quick to give pleasure rather than take it when it, when it came to his beloved prince. He hated how Meena toyed with the boy's heart, not that he minded assuaging Soma's bruised ego. He knew how she felt about Soma, having taken great pains to tell him exactly how much she hated him. But after a while, Agni began to wonder if her feelings were more resentment over her position in this life with an equal mix of jealousy over her rival, Agni, for the prince's affections, than anything else. Still it did not make it right what she did.

And when Soma's grandfather, Basant, suggested they use the prince's infatuation with Meena as a way to get him safely out of India, Agni had some reservations. While he understood the need to get Soma into exile, he wondered if it was right to do so without explaining things to the young prince. He worried Soma would hate him for the necessary lie, as well as hating the idea of him alone and a drift in a foreign place. And when they arrived safely in England, Agni hated lying to Soma about finding Meena, as the woman never had any intention going home to India with Soma, not that they could really leave to go home as well. He thanked the gods when they had found a diversion, in one Ciel Phantomhive, a young earl, whom Soma took a shine to and wanted to get to know better.

Soma simply adored Ciel, who seemed so much older and worldly compared to himself, although, he was several years younger. He was everything the prince was not, yet wanted to be, and he relished the chance to make a new friend. The fact that Ciel seemed irritated by him in general did not faze the prince at all. Negative attention was still attention as far as Soma was concerned, and any attention at all was better than nothing.

Ciel sighed. He could not believe that idiot just demanded that Maylene take her clothes off. Lau was not helping the situation by offering to assist his scullery maid with getting undressed. _Damn it!_ he mentally swore. _When did I lose control…? Never mind that! How did I lose control…?_ He looked around just in time to catch Sebastian's lips curve ever so slightly upwards in a smirk. _Stop smirking too! I hate when you do that! _"She will do no such thing! Now, get out!" he shouted as the two Indians were ushered out of the room by Sebastian.

"My prince, I think you should-" Agni began when Soma interrupted.

"Agni! Let's help our little friend, Ciel!"

"How…?"

"I heard them talking about a toy company Ciel owns. Let's think up a toy! English children must love toys as much as Indian children do and I bet they would love to play with a toy that Indian children would also love to play with!" Soma said excitedly. "My little sisters loved those drawings of Lord Ganesh we drew for them, remember, Agni?"

Agni nodded.

"Hmmm… I know! What if you drew an elephant? And it won't be just any elephant… its…ummm…"

Agni listened patiently to Soma while he sat down and began to draw the elephant for him. "Ears… tail… trunk…?" he prompted.

"Trunk! Yes! What if its trunk moves? You know, goes up and down?"

"I think the children would love that, my prince."

"Good! Now let's go tell my little friend about it!" Soma stormed off, Agni in tow. Unfortunately, they were met with more irritation on Ciel's part.

Agni felt bad for Soma; the prince was trying too hard in winning the young earl's friendship. With a few well chosen words on his part, Agni had the prince calm enough to lie quietly on one of the Persian rugs, while Ciel had a fencing lesson. Unfortunately, Soma found watching the lesson extremely boring. And whenever he was bored, trouble soon followed, which was how Agni found himself hurting Ciel, while trying to protect the prince from his own stupidity. Even worse was being put in the position of defending Soma's honor in a fencing match with Sebastian. For the first time in his life, Agni came very close to hating his beloved prince.

Sebastian, however, was enjoying himself. He found Agni fascinating in general and a wonderful opponent. He was one of the few humans, the demon butler had ever encountered, who could hold their own with him. Soma on the other hand, aroused Sebastian's ire in a way few have before and lived to tell the tale. Pushing all thoughts about the prince aside, Sebastian focused his full attention on the duel and Agni. It only took a few minutes for them to reach a draw. While Sebastian was not one for the concept of "love and hate" the two Indians came very close to evoking those emotions in the demon butler. Smiling inwardly, Sebastian looked forward to carrying out Ciel's command of shutting the bratty prince up. He had the feeling he was going to love that a lot.

The rest of the day passed rather uneventfully except for the surprise that awaited Sebastian in the kitchen. Agni had kindly offered to help out with making dinner and much to Sebastian's utter amazement he had the staff working without mishap like it was a normal occurrence. The place was spotless and dinner was nearly ready too.

"Thanks to everyone it looks like it's going to be a delicious dinner. Mister Sebastian?" Agni said.

"Ummm… it's amazing that you could make these people help you," Sebastian said as he walked over to Agni.

Agni smiled. "Everyone is doing well and they're great people too."

"It's not that they're bad people…" Sebastian tried to explain.

"Each person is born with a talent," Agni said. "There is a path and a mission that the gods plan for you." He rolled out the dough for the pie. "We humans are the children of the gods and as such we have to follow the path they set for us and gradually fulfill our life's mission."

Sebastian frowned. "How can I say this…?" He paused. "It seems as though you are one who has accomplished their mission."_ Such a human really does exist…_

"Oh not at all!" Agni cried. "Before I met the prince I was a terrible, hopeless fool. The debt I owe him is one I will never be able to repay in this lifetime or the next. I am a Brahmin, the highest caste that is allowed to serve the gods." He sighed softly. "My father was a Brahmin in name only, and I, growing up in his house, saw him wallowing in greed and lust, and I lost my faith in the gods. I took advantage of my caste and I sinned day in and day out. I hurt people… I blasphemed against the gods." He looked Sebastian in the eye. "Then the day I was sentenced to death arrived. I, who had no faith in the gods or any attachments to this world, didn't care if I died. And then _he_ appeared. My prince, my savior… he rescued me from myself and I could see the light of the gods shining within him."

"Uh, Mister Agni, the pot is boiling over," Sebastian said, having lost interest in Agni's story.

"And I have been in his service ever since. He is both my prince and my god…" Agni finished. "Thank you…" he added when Sebastian took care of the pot. "And I want to protect my prince, who gave me a new life, even if it means forfeiting my own. I want to fulfill his wishes as best I can as well." Agni smiled.

Sebastian, who was busy cooking and tired of the Bengali's babbling, muttered, "The actual gods are all good-for-nothings anyway."

"Hunh? Did you say something, Mister Sebastian?"

"No, it was nothing important."

"Oh…"

Dinner was an interesting affair. Soma, who was eating like this was the last meal he would ever have, filled the young earl in on why they were in England.

Ciel, however, found his reason boring and trivial. He could care less if one of his servants left for parts unknown, so he could not for the life of him understand why the prince was so worked up over a stupid maidservant. "So in conclusion, who is this girl you're searching for again?"

"Her name is Meena. She had been looking after me since I was born and she was my wet-nurse. My father never had any interest in me and my mother only wanted to attract his attention, so she never looks at me. I'm always alone in the palace," Soma said sadly, "but Meena was always by my side. She's so bright and so beautiful and she took care me and taught me things like a big sister would. I'm never lonely when she's around." He smiled. "I love Meena and she loves me. However… that bastard!" Soma's expression darkened as he slammed his fist down hard on the tabletop, rattling the dinnerware. "An English nobleman came and took her away to England against her will!"

Lau set his water goblet down and calmly asked, "What exactly happened?"

"Bengal is a princely state, as you know, but it's still under control of your maharani. Political advisors came and mostly took control of the government; it's not much different from your colonialism elsewhere. Anyway… this bastard came as a guest and slowly seduced her and when I was away with my father on an inspection, he took her to England against her will!" Soma was so visibly upset that Agni hated himself for his part this sorry affair.

Ciel's affected an air of barely concealed boredom that was not far from the truth. "In other words you came all the way to England to bring her back?"

"Yes! I'll get her back and I will definitely be taking her back home to India with me."_ Meena, I promise you, I shall find you as quickly as I can…_

"Well, it does seem a bit extreme, considering it's all for one female servant," Ciel said, loving the way his statement got a rise out of the prince.

"IT'S NOT EXTREME!" Soma shouted. "The palace without Meena might as well be an empty box!" Soma was so agitated that he got up out of his seat and rushed over the Ciel. The young earl was on his feet as well when Soma grabbed him by the shoulders and practically shook him. "Do you understand the despair I felt when my Meena was taken from me? Can you understand just how sad I-"

"Can't say that I have," Ciel said calmly.

Soma, taken aback by that, was speechless.

"The despair caused by so _trivial_ an occurrence doesn't amount to much. I don't understand it, nor do I want to. There are things which cannot be recovered, no matter how great the struggle. Despair you can't escape from." Turning away from Soma, he added, "Although, I doubt you're able to grasp that thought."

"But…" Soma sputtered, "But still, I… don't want… I don't want to be alone in the palace anymore."

Ciel shrugged and walked away. He hated the memories the prince dredged up of his family and the happy times they had before it was all forcibly taken away from him. After he had composed himself, Ciel went back in search of the prince. He was dead tired, but he felt the need to play the good host, and spotting a deck of cards, he stuck them in his pocket. He found Soma a few minutes later, only to have his offer to play cards rebuffed, when the prince told him he had things to do and not to wait up for him as Ciel needed his sleep in order to grow.

Soma and Agni stood outside the townhouse, trying to get their bearings, before they took off into the night in search of Meena.

"You know, as harsh as the things he said to me were, I kind of like little Ciel." Soma smiled. "I'm sure after a few days, he'll join our search."

Agni nodded in reply. Having found Meena weeks ago, while the prince slept away the afternoon, he was now working for her and her husband, with the promise of her return being offered as payment. He hated her more than he had ever before as she forced him to lie to Soma. She was now a memsahib, a noblewoman, simply by marrying the English lord who caught her fancy. There would be no returning to India for any of them, which in and of itself was not all that bad in Agni's humble opinion, for despite the cold and the dirt and the noise and the people with their strange dress and ways, London was just as bustling a city as Calcutta was. Still, he could not shake the feeling that this would end in disaster and he hated it.

They arrived back the townhouse late that night, after another futile search. Once Agni was sure Soma was in bed and fast asleep, he headed back out again. Full of self loathing, Agni hurried to find his next hapless victim, before coming home to a few hours sleep. He hoped this business would end soon, before Soma ended up hurt, but it seemed unlikely. Harold West was proving to be just as greedy as Meena was and Agni had the feeling the stupid "Royal Warrant" was just one in a long string of things designed to keep him enthralled to them as well as punishment from Meena for caring so little about his caste, that he willing served Soma. As much as he hated the lies and his duplicity, Agni lived in fear of the day Soma would find out the truth. Things came to a head sooner than Agni had ever expected. Unknown to him, Sebastian had followed him on one of his nightly visits to the West's townhouse.

Sebastian quickly returned home to report on his findings. While he had no feelings one way or another about the two Indians and the trouble that seemed to follow in their wake, his master was interested in their doings and that was all that mattered.

"Good, we'd better…" Ciel said sleepily.

"Wait!" Soma hurried over to them. "Take me with you! I was aware for quite some time that Agni would go out at night after he thought I was asleep. I want to know what he's been up to." He looked shyly over at Sebastian as if asking permission, much to the demon butler's amusement.

That was how they found themselves standing outside another townhouse in a fashionable section of London. Soma was dying to get inside, although Lau, who also went with them, advised patience. "Your highness, things will be clearer once you get inside," he said cryptically, "and then you'll be forced to face the truth, whether you like it or not…you and I both, okay?"

"Uh, by 'you and I' you mean you haven't a clue," Ciel said dryly.

Lau laughed. "Yes…"

"Whose house is this?" Soma looked up at the tall, impressive building.

"It belongs to Harold West-Jeb, and he runs an import business. I met him once and found him to be rather creepy," Ciel said. "He's got a criminal record too."

"He's in the import business? We're in the same business," Lau said to no one in particular.

"But why would Agni visit such a person…?" Soma mused.

"He mostly imports Indian spices and teas." Ciel explained. "He runs a general store called, 'Harold Trading' as well as 'Harold West' which is a Hindustani coffee house."

"While investigating Miss Meena, I found her name on several of his papers," Sebastian added. "According to what I read, most of his wares come from Bengal. And while he's suffered collateral damage from the hanging incidents, he wasn't present when they hit his shop and escaped getting hanged."

Ciel sighed. He had the feeling he was going to regret it, but still he said, "Let's go take a look inside…"

Meanwhile, Agni sat stiffly on one of West's over stuffed chairs, waiting for his orders. He not only hated being there, but he hated West, as he silently lamented his beloved prince's obsession with Meena that got him mixed up in the mess. He had the feeling nothing good was going to come of this and he was later proven right. West unfortunately mentioned the woman, and as luck would have it, Soma was mysteriously there to hear it. Caught up in the web of deceit, Agni was forced to further betray Soma as his level of self loathing hit a new low. He had no other choice but to do as West said and raise his hand against his beloved prince.

Soma, unable to move, watched in horror as Agni's hand flew towards his head. But then something totally unexpected happed. A god with the head of a deer magically appeared between them, stopping Agni's blow from hitting the prince. Even more remarkable, it spoke.

"I am a deer," it said, "here to collect the prince." It also bowed politely to them, when all hell broke loose.

West, convinced it was one of Soma's spies, ordered Agni to destroy it. Unable to cope with everything West wanted him to, under the threat of revealing their secret about Meena, Agni lost it. He rushed to do West's bidding, destroying the parlor in the process as he fought with the deer.

Soma, heartbroken over Agni's defection, watched helplessly, before the deer threw him over its shoulder. They crashed through a window, leaping down to the ground below. The rest was a blur as they raced through the London streets, meeting back at Ciel's townhouse.

Unfortunately, once they were settled in the townhouse, the conversation revolved around Agni and Soma never felt so alone and unloved in all his life. "Then why did he betray me?" he said softly. Upset, he pushed the tea service in front of him off the table, wanting to smash something in a vain attempt at feeling better. "Why did he leave me?" he said shrilly. "Why? Why does everyone leave me? Why?" Soma stood, his eyes welling up with tears. Without saying another word, he ran off to his room.

Soma crawled into bed and tried to sleep, praying this was a nightmare that he would soon wake up from. _No one loves me… Am I really that horrible a person that they all hate me…? I want to go home… I HATE this place!_ he thought, wallowing in self pity.

Sebastian slipped quietly into his room._ This is going to be fun…_ He walked over to the bed, where Soma pretended to be asleep.

"You idiot! Who gave you permission to enter my room?" Soma demanded. "What the?" he cried when Sebastian dumped him onto the floor. "You insolent-"

"Who's the insolent one?" Sebastian said calmly. "You're here in England, not India, and you're a guest of Earl Phantomhive. This is not your palace, so you have no right to make demands here, nor do I have to follow your orders. You are nothing more than a spoiled brat, who can't do anything unless Agni is by his side. And now he's gone and left you."

"I know… I've lost everything…"

"Lost? You never had it to begin with. Everything, you thought you had, was given to you by others. Your palace and station in life were given to you by your parents, along with your servants. You never had one thing that was truly your own."

Soma nodded.

"You noticed something was bothering Agni, yet you lacked the courage to find out for yourself."

"YOU'RE WRONG!" Soma shouted as he ran past Sebastian and headed for the door. He hated him, at that moment, more than anyone else he had ever known.

Sebastian somehow beat him to it. He placed a hand against the door, preventing Soma from leaving. "But I'm not wrong, am I?" He smiled sweetly at Soma, loving the look of despair on the prince's face. "Even now, you play at being the hero in some foolish tragedy. You really are a self-centered spoiled rotten little brat…"

"But, but… everyone was there for me and now-"

"Lip-service. Even a child knows that no one willingly serves another without a reward," Sebastian pointed out. "No one loves you."

"I…I…"

"Leave it, Sebastian."

"Bo-chan?"

"Ciel…?"

"I might have ended up like Soma… if not for that… month…" Ciel said softly, hating the memories that were dredged up. "I… I was treated worse than an animal, my family was murdered, my home burned to the ground… and there was nothing I could do about it as a powerless child. But I swore to get my revenge on those who did this to me. I'm just merely bidding my time until they come and make another attempt on my life."

Soma stood there, horrified. "But why…?"

"Because there's no use sitting around moping and despairing." He sighed softly. "Even the dead can stand still, Soma. However, I'm determined to stand on my own two feet and survive. Besides, we're all going to die one day, so isn't it better to have lived with no regrets?"

Soma nodded.

"So that is my life and what I chose to make of it." Ciel turned to go. "Lecture time is over. Come, Sebastian, I have things I wish to discuss with you about West."

"Yes, my lord."

"Wait!" Soma cried. "Ciel, I'm so embarrassed… I'm seventeen and I'm just a fool who knows nothing compared to you… I'm just a spoiled child who took everything for granted and never once tried to understand others…" He hung his head in shame. "I knew Agni was troubled by something, but I chose to ignore it." Soma looked up at Ciel. "This time I want to know. I want to meet them and ask them why they left me, no matter how painful it'll be to hear their reasons. Please let me go with you."

"Sorry; you can't. I have no desire to babysit you." Ciel rolled his eyes as he walked away. "That said; my door is always open."

Soma stood there dumbfounded, when it hit him. Ciel did love him in his own way. Happy, Soma hugged him from behind. "Ciel!" _I love you too!_

"Yes…?" _Why didn't I keep my mouth shut…?_

"I'm sorry…" Soma said when Ciel turned to face him. "I'm sorry I snapped and broke the teacups. Please find it in your heart to forgive me…" He looked over at Sebastian, and hiding behind Ciel, as Soma was convinced the demon butler hated him, he added, "You too… I'm sorry…"

They went into the parlor where Lau waited to discuss their next move. When it seemed like nothing more was to become of things, Soma vowed to find out what happened to Agni and Meena on his own. Despite their turning their back on him, the prince still loved them and he was worried about them. After getting the others to explain the situation to him again, it turned out Agni still loved him.

Because of that love, Soma found himself working alongside Sebastian, trying to create a curry that would beat Agni's. He still could not figure the demon butler out. One minute Sebastian seemed to hate him, the next, he was treating him with kindness and respect. But he was determined to win him over, even if the man scared him half to death.

When the day of the competition arrived, everyone made a holiday of it as they made their way to the Crystal Palace. Soma had mixed emotions about it. One the one hand he was excited about the possibility of seeing Agni and Meena again, but on the other hand, he was afraid it would turn out that they really and truly hated him. So he wandered around aimlessly, barely paying attention to the curry contest. He felt bad for Agni when he lost, thinking perhaps he should not have helped Sebastian after all. He started to walk over to him. "Meena!" Soma cried, when he spotted her in the crowd as she rushed over to her husband, Harold West.

Meena loved her English husband, whose mind was nimble and devious as her own. Her beloved Harold had somehow managed to convince the captain of the vessel they had sailed on, while on the last leg of their journey, to "remarry" them before they came home to England. While she could never step foot in India again, Meena did not care in the least as she was now a memsahib like all the rest, despite her dark skin. Besides, she found she liked it very much when they treated her like the princess she always longed to be and was in her husband's eyes. So when Soma showed up, threatening to undo everything, Meena felt a strong hatred for him like she never had in all the years she had known him. She turned towards him, a look a pure shock on her face, when she realized Soma had actually found her on his own. "Prince… Soma…?"

"Meena! I've finally found you!" Soma also seemed surprised to see her. Agni had been telling him it was going to be nearly impossible to find her, and yet, her she was. He was so happy to see her, he rushed forward, gathering her into his arms the way she had often done when he was a small child. "Meena! I've been looking for you for a very long time! You must have been so worried and frightened when you were kidnapped to England! And now I've finally found you!" Soma stepped back slightly to get a good look at her. He was afraid he was imagining it, and yet, here she was. "You don't have to worry any more! Let's go home together!"

"Prince…"Meena began softly when suddenly her face contorted in anger. "What are you, some kind of idiot? Who the hell do you think you are coming this far to get in my way?" she cried, her voice laden with disgust. "Come home with you? Don't make me laugh! Who in their right mind would come back to a place like that?"

Soma stared at her, speechless. He never felt such hurt in all his life and all he could do was stared at her stupidly as she spewed her venomous remarks at him.

"Sorry, I don't want to live my life bound by my social class! You idiot! I took great pains to sneak out of India! Don't you know your grandfather helped me? Even that foolish khanasama of yours helped."

"Then you… wanted…to go… with West…?" Soma swallowed his hurt.

Harold West stood there, embarrassed over his wife's behavior, but secure in the knowledge that there was not a thing Soma could do to bring her back to India. If his wife, Meena, did not wish to go, the kid could not take her, prince or no prince.

"Of course! Even a child knows what's better; a cook or the wife of a rich man. And besides, I'm sick of looking after such a selfish master!"

Soma looked at her as he willed himself not to cry. Her words stung, wounding his fragile heart and ego. He swallowed, and said softly, "I'm sorry. We were so close and yet… I didn't understand one bit of your feelings… I'm sorry I was such a bother and chasing you all the way here to England… And thanks for everything you've done for me up until now…" Soma briefly closed his eyes. Opening them and gathering the remains of his dignity, he began to walk away without a backward glance in her direction. "Good-bye, Meena…" _I hope he makes you happy, where I have failed…_

"Good-bye, Soma…" she said softly and in that instant she loved him like she never had before.


End file.
